To: Professor Moody
From: Lorena Lizarralde
Date: September 15, 2009
RE: Peer Revision and Memoir Plan
Regarding the peer review we did in class I plan to change one of my sentences. I had described my friend as my “front door neighbor" and was told that it would sound better if I just refer to my friend as my "neighbor." My peers seemed very pleased with my descriptions and details. I then asked you to read my introduction and you also helped me with a bit more se of language instead of actually mentioning her age. I also am going to change "two and half hours later" to a "short flight" to better show my audience my point.
Regarding the rest of my paper I have a small outline set up in my mind. Obviously I am going to continue by describing the house and neighborhood and the cultural shocks and things I experienced that really relate to the significance of my memoir. Some of the things I have been brainstorming about it the limit we had of toys and outings and how somehow that never set back our fun times. Another aspect of Colombia that I love is to see how the whole family would sit down together to have dinner religiously. To me that opened my eyes to how serious it is that you spend time with your family. One of the greatest lessons my mom taught me was to always love and forgive your family because they will always be there no matter what. Friends should never come before family. Thus my descriptions will not only show my audience that I learned to appreciate my opportunities back in the land of freedom but that we don’t have to be rich to “high class” to teach others a lesson about life.
My last paragraph will not be so anecdote like because it will be me, the adult I am today, reminiscing on the experience I endured when I was six years old. The only thing I would like to use as closure may be a mentioning of how I got back to school as the first grader with the most interesting stories to tell. All in all I hope that the paper will be descriptive enough to engage my audience and make them feel as if they were there throughout the whole thing. My vocabulary seemed a bit low in my opinion so I might sit and revise the whole thing at the end and try to take that up a notch.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment